do you have the keys?
“We never do anything. Let’s go to the beach.”
It was a sunny Sunday.
“okay. let’s go to the beach,” I said.
I was living in a rental truck with
a woman and her cat.
The cat slept on the dash board
as I drove the truck to the beach.
The girl friend put on her sunglasses
and looked out the window.
We laid around on the beach under
skies which got cloudy. We were in our clothes.
The cat
slept in the truck.
“This isn’t your beach.” I heard.
I tipped my hat back
and blinked open my eyes.
A surfer was standing over me.
He sneered at me then he walked into the water.
“let’s go,” I said to my girl friend.
“Fuck that guy. We can stay here,” she said.
“i want to go,” I said to her.
“Well, we can’t. I lost the keys in the sand.”
I looked around in the sand for the keys and I couldn’t find them.
“i’m calling a locksmith,” I said to my girl friend.
She walked with me back to where the truck was parked.
I found a pay phone and called a locksmith.
“we’re stuck at the beach in a rental truck and we lost the key in the sand,” I said to the locksmith.
“Well, why don’t you just call the Rental place and have them send over a new key?”
The guy was a problem solver.
“well, it’s sunday,” I said.
“They are open on Sundays,” the locksmith said.
“listen, we have the truck without a contract and I don’t want to push my luck. The rental place gave my girl friend and I the truck when two of their other trucks broke down on us during a move. They never made us sign a contract and we’re driving the truck around for free like bandits. Now we lost the key in the sand at the beach.”
The locksmith said he’d come by and make us a key. Sometimes the best lie in the world is the truth.
Then the surfer came walking by the the truck. “This isn’t your parking lot,” he said. Then he snorted a little laugh and walked over to his truck.
“Why do you put up with that crap,” my girl friend said.
“what crap? he’s a kid horsing around. what do I care what he says.”
“Well what if he tries to rape me?”
I looked at my girl friend.
“Well?” she said.
“dear,” I said to her. But she wouldn’t have any of it and she went to the surfer and started yelling at him. Then I saw him throw a punch at her out of his car window.
“shit,” I said. Here came the girl friend.
“Did you see that sun-ov-a-bitch? He threw a punch at me!”
“yes, dear,” I said. “i saw the sun-ov-a-bitch throw a punch at you. yes dear.”
“Well? What are you gonn’a do about it?”
I thought about going over but the locksmith drove into the parking lot.
“You the guys who lost your keys in the sand?” the locksmith yelled out the window.
“that’s us,” I yelled back. The surfer started laughing.
“You going to take that?” my girl friend said.
“Yes dear,” I said. The surfer laughed again.
I looked at the surfer and waved. The surfer made an obscene hand signal at me.
“Did you see that bastard? ”
“yes, dear,” I said to my girl friend. The locksmith was trying to pry the door open. “can’t you do that without bending the door?” I said.
“Okay,” said the locksmith.
The surfer got out of his car and walked over to my girl friend. She pulled some pepper spray out of her purse and shot him in the eyes.
“jeezus,” I said.
“He was gonn’a rape me!”
“I’ll say that to the cops if they come,” the locksmith said. He turned out to be an okay guy.
